Chapter 172
Quirin
“What do you want to know, Quirin?” Alpha Warren asks me.
“All of it, I guess. You said my father was after Luna Yara?” I ask.
“Not at first,” he says and sighs. “You know, the day I killed him, I told your father that if he had been a different man, he and I could have been friends. Maybe that’s why I’ve tried so hard to have a relationship with you. You’re enough like your father that you and I have a lot in common but you’re different enough that we’ve never been at odds like your father and I were. For all of the money that your father had, and I know it was a lot even back then, he always wanted more. What he had was never enough for him. It was pure greed, nothing more. He didn’t need my lands, but he wanted them. He didn’t need Yara, he had your mother. But he wanted her because he recognized that her strength would make him stronger.”
I nod. “I remember talking to him about that. He said you were getting stronger, that you were threatening our livelihood. But what he really meant was that you might have become stronger than he was, right?”
“I think so. He was in an alliance with two other Alphas and their packs were attacking mine nearly every day. All three of them wanted Yara…”
“All three?” I ask. I had two after Kennedy and that nearly made me feral.
“There was actually a fourth. Simon. He didn’t want her for power. He was just obsessed with her.”
“I would have killed them all,” I growl.
“I did. Your father had the most honorable death of all of them. Simon wasn’t so lucky,” he snarls.
“Why did you give my father an honorable death? If he was after Luna Yara, why did you make his death quick and easy?”
“There were multiple reasons. The biggest was because he traded his life for yours. That was the honorable thing to do. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again now while we’re talking. I think the only person that your father loved in this world, was you. I remember hearing from my Beta that your father offered to trade his life for yours, not your mother’s. Charlie, that was my Beta, is the one who asked about your mother.”
“I remember that too. From my child’s perspective, I wanted to save my father, to do whatever I could to keep him from dying.” I say, remember that awful time in my life.
“You realize now, you could never have saved him and he would never have let you, right?” he asks me.
“Yeah. It didn’t make it any easier back then,” I say and then, I ask the question that has bothered me for years. “Why did you celebrate his death?”
He frowns. “I didn’t. I was devastated. I hated killing your father.”
I look at him. “I was there. The day you killed my father, I was there. I snuck out while my mom was sleeping and made my way to your pack. I’d watched as flowers were delivered all day. I watched you bring him outside and kill him while your pack prepared for a party. And then I’d watched while your pack members howled happily at his death.”
“I didn’t know you were there. If I had, I wouldn’t have killed him in front of you. No wonder you’ve always hated me,” he says absently, frowning as his eyes go unfocused.
“I’m sure the pack howled their triumph. They loved Yara even then. It’s very much like what you see in your pack now and how they feel about Kennedy. But the flowers…” he says, obviously trying to remember back to that time.
“We weren’t celebrating your father’s death, we were celebrating Yara’s return. Simon had kidnapped her and she was home. We’d also just decided on our Gamina and we were celebrating having a complete leadership team in the pack. It was a happy time for us, but not because I killed your father, or not explicitly. It was more about the pack’s Luna being safe and
1/3
Thu, 13 Mar
Chapter 172
our pack being whole again.”
“I always thought you were celebrating his death,” I say quietly.
46%
+5
“No. had a lot of respect for your father. In a lot of ways, he was a good man, a good Alpha. He let greed eat at him and it made him into the person that ultimately got him killed.”
“Thank you for talking to me,” I say to him.
“Can I ask you a question?” he asks me.
I shrug. “I guess we’re kind of being friends, right?”
He smiles a huge smile that I’ve seen Kennedy smile over the years. “I hope so,” he says before becoming serious again. “Why didn’t you know that Kennedy was being taken? How did you not feel it in the mind link?”
I look down, feeling like I disappointed Kennedy once again because I didn’t hear her when she was taken.
“You saw me. You saw what I did to Jasper,” I say, looking up at him. “That’s who I am. That’s the person that I am inside. Your daughter … she’s one of the few that has not only never been afraid of the darkness inside me, but she’s able to push it away. But her soul is too beautiful, too bright, to feel that ugliness inside me. So, I keep the link between us closed, to protect her.”
“You keep it closed?” he asks, looking shocked.
“Yes. I’ve always known that Kennedy deserved a better mate than me, someone like Henry perhaps. But just because she got stuck with me and I wasn’t strong enough to deny the gift that was given to me, it doesn’t mean that she has to suffer with my darkness.”
He looks at me for a long moment. “I don’t think you’re a dark person, Quirin. You carry your darkness like a penance, like a cloak that you wrap yourself in. But you underestimate my daughter’s strength. I’d bet that Kennedy’s brightness, her light, is much stronger than your darkness. Open yourself to her and let yourself be happy. Surrender to her in a way that you would never surrender to another person. Believe me, she will give you more in return than you could ever imagine. And I’d be surprised if her light didn’t encompass you all the time. For me, I don’t know how I’d go through the day without being connected to Yara,” he says smiling.
“She murmurs in her mind just like she does out loud, and I love every single minute of it. I wouldn’t give it up for anything. The Moon Goddess mated you to my daughter for a reason. Maybe that reason is because she’s supposed to push this feeling of darkness away from you. It will never go away completely. Believe me, it will always be there. If someone comes for her or your family, that darkness will rise to the surface like an avenging angel. But there’s no reason why you should have to live under that cloud of unhappiness. Open yourself to her. Let her love you the way that I know she wants to. You deserve to enjoy this life, Quirin. Stop punishing yourself. Stop holding yourself responsible for your father’s death. He made his choice. You were a pup. There was nothing you could do to save him and he wouldn’t have wanted you to anyway. You’re going to be a father. Believe me when I tell you it changes you. You will love that pup with everything in you and you will love your mate even more than you do now. I know you don’t think it’s possible, but when you realize that she’s given you the earth, the moon, the stars, and the sun, you will somehow love her more than you do today. So give her what she wants, what she needs. Give yourself totally and completely to her. And when you do, she will give you the world. And then, you have to forgive yourself, Quirin. You have to let go of your hate.”
I feel the emotions welling up inside me, years and years of emotions bubbling to the surface. Alpha Warren stands and I struggle to get my emotions in check, but rather than walking out, he opens his arms to me.
“Can I give you a hug?”
1 stand, the tears burning in my eyes and I nod. His arms wrap around me, and it all comes flowing out of me, nearly twenty years of anger, hate, guilt, and frustration. I cling to him as my body feels like it’s falling apart, like I’m shattering into pieces and the only thing holding me together is Alpha Warren’s arms around me.
“I’ve got you,” he says softly while I sob uncontrollably.
2/3
15
Thu, 13 Mar
46%
+5
Chapter 172
I have no idea how long I cry, but when I finally pull away from him, I feel like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. He looks around, finding a box of tissues and while I dry my eyes and blow my nose, I realize that he is drying his eyes too.
“How do you feel?” he finally asks me.
“Better,” I tell him.
“Good. Let’s go check on the others and then go see how your mate is doing”
When we walk back into the waiting room, there are a small number of warriors and omegas, but most everyone is sleeping now. No one got much sleep in the last twenty–four to forty–eight hours.
I see my family, and Farrah looks at me with understanding in her eyes. I walk over to her and without saying a word, I pull her into my arms.
“Thank you, mother,” I say to her, and I feel her body jerk at my words.
“For what?”
I pull back and look at her. “I’ve never thanked you for being the woman who was more like a mother to me than my own mother ever was. I’m going to be making some changes in my life and I hope that one of them is being able to call you mother.”
I watch her lips tremble. “From the first day I met you, you have always been my son. I would be proud if you called me
mother.”
I nod, pulling her back into our hug and holding her until both of our emotions are back in check. Then, I turn and look at Alpha Connor.
“So, are you still interested in that alliance?” I ask him.
His smile is huge, the same smile his father and Kennedy share.
“I thought you’d never ask.”
3/3
