Love Novel 65

I turn on my heels to look at the tree.
Half of it is decorated, and the rest of the ornaments lie in the box. I stare until my eyes burn. It would be beautiful. It would be whimsical, but all I see is the mess I’ve created.
Aiden’s furious face flashes in my mind. Fuck, what was I doing? I’m not a cheater, I can’t be. That’s terrible. No one
deserves that kind of betrayal. I should have ended things with him the moment I felt something for Zaid.
But even that thought doesn’t sit right in my chest. Being with Zaid and not Aiden feels wrong.
I shake my head, pressing a hand to my chest as a wave of emotion drowns me.
Does that mean I have to leave them both?
Pain lances through me.
I would have to move out. Find a job, get an apartment.
Tears prick the back of my eyes.
Zaid’s dark, piercing eyes come to mind then, and my knees give out. I sink to the floor, the weight of everything
crashing down on me.
Tears blur my vision, and before I know it, I’m sobbing uncontrollably. It all comes at once. The guilt, the confusion, the
heartbreak.
My chest feels tight, like I can’t breathe.
I think of Aiden’s hurt, Zaid’s intensity, and my own traitorous feelings. I think of Jake, his warmth and steadiness, and
how I’ve tangled myself in this impossible knot.
How can I live without them?
And at the same time, how can I live with them?
I cry into my hands, letting my love for the three of them express out of me in long sobs.
And then there’s the ache of Alex’s absence, and the hollow void where my dad should be this Christmas.
It’s all too much.
I shouldn’t be putting up a tree without them. I shouldn’t be smiling and laughing and moving on. I don’t deserve to
live, not without them.
I press my fists against my eyes, trying to stifle the sobs, but they rip through me, anyway. My breathing becomes shallow
and erratic, and I hear the sound of the front door opening.
Panic jolts through me. Who could it be?
I scramble to pull myself together, wiping my face hastily and curling into myself, but my trembling hands give me away.
I look at the entrance, hoping whoever walks in will miss the girl in a ball on the floor. But it’s Jakes who walks in and my
heart wants to break all over again.
It wants to crack in two so he can piece me back together in his arms.
His eyes fall on the tree first. The way his brows furrow and his lips part in silent awe makes my heart squeeze. But then
his gaze shifts, and he sees me.
His suitcase hits the floor with a thud as he rushes to me.
“Alina,” he says, his voice soft but urgent.
All I can manage is a sob.
He kneels beside me, his hands cupping my tear-streaked face. “What’s wrong, baby? What happened?”
I shake my head, unable to form words. The tears just keep coming.
Jake pulls me into his arms without hesitation, holding me tightly as I wrap my arms around his neck and let my face fall
into his chest.
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His hand strokes my hair, his touch soothing, grounding me.
“Hey, it’s okay,” he whispers, his lips brushing against the top of my head. “I’m here. It’s okay, baby.”
I don’t know how long we stay like that, but eventually, Jake shifts. He grabs my legs and wraps them around his waist. He stands as if I weigh nothing and I keep my face buried in his neck.
He carries me upstairs to his room.
When we reach his bed, he sits down, settling me on his lap and wrapping his arms around me. His warmth surrounds
me, his steady heartbeat lulling me into a comforting quiet.
He cups my cheeks and tilts my face to look at him. His fingers brush away my tears. “Are you okay?”
I nod, pressing my lips together.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
My breath catches in my throat. Do I want to talk to him about how I’m in love with him and his two sons? No.
I shake my head.
He frowns. “Do you want me to make you some tea?”
I smile at that. “That would be perfect.”
He kisses me softly, a chaste press to my lips, and he settles me on his bed before heading downstairs.
I sit there, letting myself catch my breath and kind of feel a little embarrassed at my meltdown. Maybe it’s not all as
terrible as it feels. Maybe there’s still a light at the end of this deep, dark tunnel.
Jakes comes back with a steaming cup of tea and sets it on the bedside table. “Let it cool a little.”
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I nod, bringing my knees up so I can wrap my arms around them. “You came back home early.”
He sits on the side of the bed and shrugs as he tucks a strand of hair behind my ear. “I wanted to see you.”
My brows crease and I want to cry all over again. My chest sours and I shake my head. “Why?”
His eyes search mine and he scoots closer, his arm wrapping around my waist and drawing me into him until our chests
are touching and our foreheads are pressed together. “You know why, baby.”
I shake my head. “No.”
He kisses my cheek, and then the corner of my lip before he kisses me deeply. His tongue enters my mouth in slow and
languid movements and before I know it, he’s on top of me and settling himself between my legs.
The memories from before crash into me and I push on his chest. “Jake. I-I can’t.”
He lifts his head, those eyes of his telling me how much it pains him to stop.
“I’m your son’s girlfriend.”
He frowns at that and his jaw twitches. “Does it make me an asshole to say that I don’t care?”
I scoff. “I-I’m not breaking up with him for you.”
He shakes his head. “I’m not asking you to.”
“What?” I frown, my chest heaving as I try to pull away, but he keeps me pinned beneath the weight of his body.
“I’m just asking you to love me, too.”
My eyes widen, and a gasp escapes me.