Secrets of Us: A Forbidden Love Romance
What Are We Even Doing?
One line.
Relief floods through me so fast my knees buckle.
“It’s negative,” I say, half laughing.
Nikki gasps.
I drop my elbows onto the counter and let my hand fall onto my palms. “Oh, my. It’s negative.”
I want to cry, want to shudder as the tension and anxiety leaves my body like it is being pulled out of me with a force much stronger than mine. I’m not pregnant. My mind floods open, finally letting myself think about the things I have been shoving back.
The panic hits just as fast. My throat tightens.
I was so stupid, reckless. I didn’t want to use protections, but now that I was facing the consequences firsthand, I wanted to slap myself.
What if next time I’m not so lucky? What does that mean for us? For me? For them?
“Wait,” Nikki says, leaning down to look at the test.
The panic in me rises further and I watch her as her eyes narrow.
“I see… I think I see a faint line.”
No. No, no, no, no. I look again. I can’t tell if it’s real or my brain playing tricks. “I don’t know. If there’s a line, it’s really faint.”
Nikki grabs the box and reads the instructions again. “It
says even a faint line could mean you’re pregnant.”
I stare at the test, my stomach twisting. We’re both staring at it now, silent, like if we look long enough, it will be clearer.
I grab the test and pick it up, holding it closer and up against the light. Maybe there’s a line? I chew on my lips. I can’t see the line Nikki does, but what if I’m just letting my hope determine what I’m seeing?
Nikki sighs. “You need to make an appointment with an OB. Get a real answer.”
I nod slowly, dragging my fingers through my hair.
“Yeah. Okay.” I grab some toilet paper and wrap the test, walking out of the bathroom.
Nikki says nothing, but she follows me with a curious look, her steps soft and slow behind mine.
I keep going. Out of the room, down the stairs, through the back door. The warm air hits my skin and snaps me into focus for half a second. I toss the test in the big trash bin and slam the lid shut like that will help.
Nikki stands at the door with wide eyes. We walk back in and head to my room where I find the box of pregnancy tests and hide it in my bottom drawer beneath a bunch of leggings.
Nikki drops herself onto the edge of my bed. “Why are you being so secretive?”
I don’t even try to stop the tears. “I don’t know what to do.”
1/3
What Are We Even Doing?
She’s on her feet fast, pulling the in for
a hu
I collapse into it.
“What if I am pregnant?” I ask, letting her
me to sit at the edge of the bed.
“It’ll be okay,” she soothes, her hands going up and down my arms.
“Will it? I mean, what would that even mean? I pull away from her hold so we can look at each other. She frowns slightly, not really understanding where I’m going with it.
“If it’s Jake’s, would Aiden and Zaid be fathers or brothers? Would then break up with Aiden and Zaid?”
Nikki’s lips part like she’s going to say something, but she closes her mouth and frowns, clearly thinking it’s complicated, too.
I keep going, not able to stop the words. “If it’s Aiden’s, is Jake a father or grandfather?”
She grimaces at that one.
“I mean, what the hell are we doing? Is this even something that can last? Will I marry one of them? All of them?”
She purses her lips together as my entire life explodes around me. I was never made to really face the consequences and difficulties of being with more than one person. How will this look in the future?
Is there even a future with all of them?
“Don’t forget that your mom is still Jake’s wife. Forgot about that,” Nikki whispers, looking just a tad disgusted with that detail.
My voice breaks. “It’s too much.”
Nikki rubs my back, her head tilting as she looks at me. “One step at a time, okay?”
I nod, hyperventilating.
“You need to figure out if you’re pregnant first.”
I nod, closing my eyes. A plan. Steps. I can do that.
“Then talk to them. Figure out what this relationship means to all of you. I mean, is it more than sex?”
My heart lurches in my chest. “It is for me. I don’t know about them,
She nods, understanding the pain in my eyes. “Then you all need to talk. They might be having the same questions. It’s good to talk about them.”
I bump her shoulder with mine, trying to add some lightness to the situation. “So wise for your age.”
She chuckles. “I wish.”
“I’ll do that; take it step by step.”
“Good.” She smiles, squeezing my hands. “And I’m here. You’re not alone.”
“Thank you,” I whisper.
“A little later, I walk Nikki to the door, promising to call her when I know more. She hugs me tight and tells me she loves me before she leaves.
2/3
What Are We Even Doing?
I go back upstairs and sit on my bed, opening my laptop. I search for OB–GYNs in the area, clicking through names, but it’s too
much.
Just thinking about walking into a doctor’s office has me breaking out in hives. And then I start to think about going alone, and how that feels even more intimidating.
The words blur. The fear claws in.
I close the laptop and head downstairs for dinner instead. Maybe food will help. Maybe they’ll help. Maybe, I don’t know.
I just need a second to breathe.
I head downstairs, running into Aiden as he’s digging through the fridge. He looks back at me, his smile faltering when he sees how red my face is.
He drops the vegetables onto the counter and makes his way to me, wrapping me in his arms. “What’s wrong, baby?”
I shake my head. “Can you just hold me for a while?”
He nods, pressing kisses to the crown of my head as he surrounds me with his warmth.
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